I'm 30 years old (and 3 months), and quite frankly, I have no clue which direction my life is heading. In all honesty, I've never been more confused about what direction I should be going in. I was far more confident, 8 years ago, when I was just a naive, college student, and the highlight of my days involved finding that there were still some Oreos left in the kitchen. Then, I understood what my goal was, how to achieve that goal, and what the plan was to that goal. Though, I must admit, I had very little idea what I was to do after I got my degree... which led to many an emotional break down.
Fast forward 8 years after my graduation, and I here I am, one emotional break-down away from just giving up completely. Let me warn you now, this is in no way a blog post that will end in a well meaning note of positivity, where I offer some awe-inspiring insight or some secret answer that will help those in a similar situation. Sorry, no... just no. However, I can, at this moment offer a fellow commiserator, and if someone should happen upon the answer while, you know, eating a fortune cookie or in a random tarot card reading, please... please, please feel free to leave their findings in the comments below.
I thank you in advance.
Moving on, I am at a loss, and it is because I am at a loss, that I feel other aspects of my life must also be put on hold. I mean, let's face it, as much as I would love to be in a fulfilling relationship with a supportive, intelligent, understanding young man - who can also share in my trekkie, anime/geek out ways - I also realize, that asking someone to love me, in a mess of confusion, may be just a little too much to ask for. The end result? I'm on my own... far longer than I had originally thought. There goes the dream of being in a young woman in a successful, satisfying career, while entering a loving marriage where we travel the world together engaging in our own version of Bizarre Foods meets Fear Factor - but I digress.
Needless to say, I have yet to find the answer to what it is I am supposed to do. Truthfully, I'm not even sure how to go about looking for the said "answer" or if it even exists. For now, all I can do is write out my thoughts, in the hopes that these musings will allow for reflection, and thus that reflection will lead to some better understanding as to which direction I should be heading in.
Until then, I have my recent trip to San Francisco to look back on with some fondness. Below is a panoramic view I took of the city at night at the top of Twin Peaks. One of the best nights of my life, and I have a dear friend to thank for that.
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| San Francisco, CA from the top of Twin Peaks. |
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